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People Lie All The Time . . . And They Don't Even Know It~ By Jan Tincher Copyright © Jan Tincher - All Rights reserved http://www.tameyourbrain.com Congruency. Do you know what that is? You are congruent when your words mean the same thing as your tonality, and they both mean the same thing as your physiology. All of that is explained below. Check yourself out. Are you congruent? Did you know that words are only 7% of your communication? Tonality is 38% of your communication. In case you don't know exactly what tonality is, say something to yourself out loud. Now, say the same thing with excitement. Now, drama. That's the tone of your voice that is changing each time. It's your voice inflection, your tonality. Can you guess what the other 55% of our communication is? That's right. Your physiology, or body language. In case you don't know exactly what physiology is, check out the way you are standing or sitting right now. Now, imagine someone is shouting at you, and almost threatening bodily harm. Did your body language change from casual to defensive? Now, imagine that that person is not the big bad bully, but just your little two year old brother. Did your body change from defensive to aggressive, as in you are going to tickle him to oblivion instead of beat him to a pulp? Now, let's look at other types of body language. Let's go to a party early and watch the people as they come in. Each of them is telling you something without saying a word. Here comes a self-assured individual who's looking for some fun. Look at his eyes, they're looking everywhere to see what's happening. How about his posture? Is he swaggering just a tad in all that self-assurance? Let's check out the next person. Oops. He looks like he was dragged to the party. Look how he walks in. Look at his eyes, they're on his feet, hoping they'll turn him around and take him right back out the door. His shoulders and back are slumped. His thoughts almost radiate off him, shouting he'd rather be home. How about the next one. Hey, this is my type of person. He came for the food. No mystery there where his eyes went. His posture is only a memory as he whizzes by in search of the goodies. Now, let's analyze this just a bit . . . What did we look at? Physiology. And remember all it told us? And we didn't hear a sound. Now, what are you going to do with this knowledge? This knowledge that your body tells lots more than your mouth does. Well, think about this for a moment. . . . The next time a friend asks you, "Would you like to help me with my homework?" Or "move my furniture," or "rake the yard," as opposed to "play basketball," "go to the mall," or "come over for coffee" are you going to groan, then say with a shrug of your shoulders, "Uh, OK." Even when you don't want to help him so badly, you can't look him in the eye? What did you just tell your friend? No, what did you *really* tell your friend? You just lied to your friend and told him you'd like to -- with your mouth, but your body made a liar out of you. It said, "You really don't want to do it," even while you're agreeing to it. Now, your friend, after seeing how you felt, begins to feel badly that he or she asked you. If you are going to go over and help, regardless *because you truly are friends.* Why not make them happy? Let's see it with your body, your tonality, and your words: YES! Or let's see it with your body, your tonality, and your words: NO! I mean, you're into life for the long haul. Why not make people happy while you're here? Now, let's recap. Here's a quiz: What if you lied with your words, but not your tonality or body language? Oops. You got caught, didn't you? What if you lied with your tonality, but not your words or your body language. Oops. You got caught, didn't you? What if you lied with your body language, but not your words or your tonality? Oops. You got caught, didn't you? Time for another recap. If you say yes and you mean no, can someone tell you are lying? Yes. How? By listening to the words and watching the body language. If they don't all mean the same thing, then something's wrong with what you are saying. If you tell people yes -- and you mean no -- enough times, well that's a whole pile of bricks you don't want to scatter. Pretty soon, you'll be the one at your party. Your party of 1. Let me know how it works in your life, OK? Watch this e-zine for more hints on how to live your life positively. By the time the year is over, you will have learned about techniques and strategies on how to turn almost anything into a positive situation. That's my goal, so help me help you achieve it, OK? Thanks for reading. Jan P.S. If you'd like help with your relationships, you'll love having me as a mentor! To find out more about my great ecourse "Relationship Ecourse", go here: http://www.tameyourbrain.com/relationshipEcourse/offer.php ~~~~~~~~~ Copyright 2004, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved Worldwide DISCLAIMER: Jan Tincher and/or *Tame Your Brain!* do not guarantee or warrant that the techniques and strategies portrayed will work for everyone. The techniques and strategies are general in nature and may not apply to everyone. The techniques and strategies are not intended to substitute for obtaining medical advice from the medical profession. Always consult your own professionals before making any life-changing decisions. ~~~~~~~~~ Would you like to learn how to relax better? Jan has written great articles on stress. To read them, go here: http://www.tameyourbrain.com/stress/index1.htm ==>Publishers, you are welcome to reprint this article in its entirety provided you retain the above resource box and include this notice, plus notify us of the day(s) you will be running it. About the author: Jan Tincher, nationally recognized expert in Hypnotherapy & Neuro-Linguistic Programming, teaches strategies and techniques to help you live a better, happier life! She studied under Richard Bandler and Anthony Robbins, and has a successful practice in Forest City, Iowa. She is an award winning author, and you can read many of her articles at http://www.tameyourbrain.com/articles.htm. You can read what people say about her at http://www.tameyourbrain.com/testimonials.htm Circulated by Article Emporium
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